One of the most surprising aspects of this period of injury, dependence, and convalescence is how many old friends didn't come through for me and how many new friends did. I must admit I did (read sometimes still do) feel disappointed and betrayed by some of the old friends that didn't come through for me.
But then I suspend wallowing in what coulda-shoulda-woulda-been and realize how grateful I am for the new friends that did. Some are friends I knew before my accident and have simply stopped by to visit and others are friends I didn't even know before this happened and who came into my life as hired help, literally, and have become invaluable people to me.
An old friend (not in the category of above mentioned old friends) reminded me recently that I once told her sometimes people are lost to us because they have served their purpose and moved on to someone who needs them more now. I don't remember saying that but it certainly sounds and feels like something I would say. And I believe that's true.
People move on for lots of reasons. Distance sometimes weakens bonds, karmic purposes are fulfilled, people grow in different directions, the list could go on and on.
When I was 11 years old my parents hired a houskeeper who lived with us 4 days out of the week. She was also to serve as my surrogate mother since my own mother preferred her typewritter by day and Whiskey Sours by night. Her name was Dorothy White and as far as I know she died early in 1984 - a long time ago - in Cleveland, Ohio. If by some chance this blog ever makes its way to any of her family please, please, please contact me. Dorothy was heaven sent to me and was my savior in my teenage years. I don't think I would have survived my family had it not been for her. She told me once that it was unlikely I would make more real friends in my life than I could count on one hand. I know what she was saying. She was talking about the life-long, live-or-die, bail you out of jail, type of friends. And she was right. Those friends come along only a few times in a lifetime.
But the other ones, the ones that pass through for a year or so or even less, well they matter too. Because they have served their purpose and moved on to someone who now needs them more. These lost friends should not be mourned. We need to offer thanks for them and be grateful for them. For they were there when we needed them and we have now outgrown our need for them and released them (whether we realize it or not) to move on.
And that's the way it works. People pass through our lives for a variety of reasons. I suspect most of the time we don't know the real reasons they are there. Life is an ever evolving process and the people that flow into and out of our lives are part of that process. To honor these friends is to honor the life process, by first letting them in and then letting them go.
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