The combo of Valium and Hydrocodone the docs have me on has afforded me the experience of what Jimmy Hendrix once famously called the "Purple Haze". Wooo hooo! So I slept most of the day and now it looks like I'll be up much of the night.
I spend a lot of time engaging in and pondering afterlife communications. With my ex-husband's critical illness progressing (tho he is still fighting a valiant fight for which I have the utmost respect) I have recently been giving thought to the importance of pre-death communications.
More than once clients have told me they can't wait for a mother, father, brother, etc., anyone with whom they've had a painful relationship, to die. I've come to realize this is because they believe that with the death will come release from the pain of the relationship. I felt this way myself when my own mother, who had very little interest in me, died when I was 17 years old. I am here to tell you from personal and professional experience, it just doesn't work that way. What you do lose, however, is forever having the opportunity to resolve that relationship in this physical lifetime. And more than once I have received a call just hours after the long-awaited death has occured from a distraugh client saying, "Oh my God, I can't believe he-she-whoever, is gone."
I hope you never find yourself in that position. So in an efffort to help you never find yourself in that position I am going to tell you a story I've told to a few clients and my daughter this week.
My father was a self-made business man with only a high school education who came of age in the Depression era of the 1930's. He had several businesses all under the name of Lyons & Co. (Lyons was my maiden name). I have often said my parents had one child and one child only and its name was Lyons & Co. Although he made a lot of money his health failed rapidly after my mother died in 1966 and when he died in 1984 he died a bitter, emotionally and financially broken, and lonely man. He had forced me out of his life years before focusing his attentions on Lyons & Co.
In May 1984 he needed major surgery and I was a full-time, working, single mom who had no time, money or - frankly interest - in going to see him in a state about 400 miles away. I didn't have a good feeling about the surgery (and I wasn't a practicing psychic then) but the last time I talked to him the day before the surgery I told him I loved him. There was a long pause before he responded, "I love you, too." He suvived the initial surgery but died 4 days later.
To this day, 26 years later, I still can't tell you if I meant it when I said it, but I can tell you I've never regretted saying it.
Just something for you to think about before you lose a once in a lifetime opportunity, forever.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
4:00 a.m. thoughts on forgiveness...
I have been offline line for nearly a week due to some technical difficulties but I'm back now. I heard a line on a TV show recently, "Nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m." but I think that more applies to decisions to spend the night with a stranger or empty out your savings at the ATM. I usually wake up around 4:00-5:00 a.m. to go to the bathroom. This can be more attributed to a 61 year old bladder than a broken shoulder. I usually can go right back to sleep but these days the pain meds wear off about that time and it's not time for new ones yet, so I start to think. And sometimes that's more dangerous than emptying out the ATM at 2:00 a.m.
I got married in July 1971. Although the decision to do this wasn't a post 2:00 a.m. decision most indications would be that it was a bad one. It was an unhappy union, frequently abusive both mentally and emotionally and eventually devolved into a physically abusive one. I am going to spare you the gory details but I will tell you it involved a concussion on one occasion, at least two broken bones, guns on more than one occasion, and at one point being restrained and held hostage for several hours. Nuff said bout that.
It was a long, long time ago, I survived it and the marriage produced my two terrific kids both now grown and who have produced six grandchildren who are the light of my life.
I got divorced in July 1980 and my ex got remarried the same month to a woman who, God bless her for many reasons, he is still married to today. We'd been separated for two years before the divorce.
Time marches on. People grow, change, learn and move on and in general learn one way or another how to deal what life dishes out to them.
In July 2009 my ex was diagnosed with brain, lung, and liver cancer. Over the past nine months he has endured all the suffering that accompanies radiation and chemo therapies and a few side dishes like flesh eating bacterial infections to boot. This is where you might be tempted to think, "He deserves it", and this is where I say to you, not so fast.
My years of psychic work and learning about spirituality (as opposed to religion - big diff and the subject for a later post) have taught me a few things. First, we are all just a compilation of our own wounds and we are searching for a way to heal them. He didn't abuse me because he wanted to but because it was how he thought (erroneously) he could alleviate some of his pain, whatever that was and wherever that came from, and make himself feel better. Of course, it didn't work and he is responsible for his actions and has to answer for them in some place and time, somewhere, somehow, someday, in this world or another. While some think he owes me an apology, and maybe he does, the greater lesson here is to learn to forgive ourselves. So many times in trying to save ourselves or heal our wounds we try to do it by hurting or overpowering others. And that just doesn't work. What we do instead is create more pain for ourselves and often others and create for ourselves more karma.
I have a friend who thinks I should be nominated for sainthood for my ability to forgive him. (Well, maybe not sainthood, but something like that.) I have struggled with the essence of "forgiveness" for many years. Growing up Catholic I was taught you can do just about anything, go to confession on Saturday, say a few Hail Mary's in repentence, go to communion on Sunday, and start the whole process over again on Monday and St. Peter will welcome you with open arms when it's your turn to show up at the pearly gates.
I don't think it's that easy. I think we are all truly held accountable for what we do or don't do and I think there is a difference between forgiveness and absolution. It's easy for the priest to absolve you of your sins. All he does is assign a few minutes of homework of saying a few prayers. True forgiveness comes from within when we forgive ourselves and others.
In truth I was as much at fault for marrying my ex as he was for marrying me. I was just looking for anyone to love me because that had been so lacking in my life and he was looking for the same in a very different manner.
It is possible to forgive someone, meaning understanding why they did something to you, without condoning their actions. Giving absolution does not have to mean giving permission to them to do it again or saying it was okay in the first place. It just means you are letting go (some would say, letting God) and moving on.
Yesterday I learned the docs have started talking to my ex about hospice options. He has and still is fighting a better fight than I think I could if I was in his shoes. Heck, I whine about typing one-handed with one wing clipped and held up in a sling.
If any of this makes sense to you or resonates with a situation you may have then I ask that you offer a little prayer or whatever your preferred method is for him as he continues his journey on this difficult path that we will all find ourselves on in some way, someday.
It's now 6:30 a.m. and time for more pain meds (yeah!), almost time for the Today Show and breakfast. I wish a good day to you all.
Namaste,
Kathe
I got married in July 1971. Although the decision to do this wasn't a post 2:00 a.m. decision most indications would be that it was a bad one. It was an unhappy union, frequently abusive both mentally and emotionally and eventually devolved into a physically abusive one. I am going to spare you the gory details but I will tell you it involved a concussion on one occasion, at least two broken bones, guns on more than one occasion, and at one point being restrained and held hostage for several hours. Nuff said bout that.
It was a long, long time ago, I survived it and the marriage produced my two terrific kids both now grown and who have produced six grandchildren who are the light of my life.
I got divorced in July 1980 and my ex got remarried the same month to a woman who, God bless her for many reasons, he is still married to today. We'd been separated for two years before the divorce.
Time marches on. People grow, change, learn and move on and in general learn one way or another how to deal what life dishes out to them.
In July 2009 my ex was diagnosed with brain, lung, and liver cancer. Over the past nine months he has endured all the suffering that accompanies radiation and chemo therapies and a few side dishes like flesh eating bacterial infections to boot. This is where you might be tempted to think, "He deserves it", and this is where I say to you, not so fast.
My years of psychic work and learning about spirituality (as opposed to religion - big diff and the subject for a later post) have taught me a few things. First, we are all just a compilation of our own wounds and we are searching for a way to heal them. He didn't abuse me because he wanted to but because it was how he thought (erroneously) he could alleviate some of his pain, whatever that was and wherever that came from, and make himself feel better. Of course, it didn't work and he is responsible for his actions and has to answer for them in some place and time, somewhere, somehow, someday, in this world or another. While some think he owes me an apology, and maybe he does, the greater lesson here is to learn to forgive ourselves. So many times in trying to save ourselves or heal our wounds we try to do it by hurting or overpowering others. And that just doesn't work. What we do instead is create more pain for ourselves and often others and create for ourselves more karma.
I have a friend who thinks I should be nominated for sainthood for my ability to forgive him. (Well, maybe not sainthood, but something like that.) I have struggled with the essence of "forgiveness" for many years. Growing up Catholic I was taught you can do just about anything, go to confession on Saturday, say a few Hail Mary's in repentence, go to communion on Sunday, and start the whole process over again on Monday and St. Peter will welcome you with open arms when it's your turn to show up at the pearly gates.
I don't think it's that easy. I think we are all truly held accountable for what we do or don't do and I think there is a difference between forgiveness and absolution. It's easy for the priest to absolve you of your sins. All he does is assign a few minutes of homework of saying a few prayers. True forgiveness comes from within when we forgive ourselves and others.
In truth I was as much at fault for marrying my ex as he was for marrying me. I was just looking for anyone to love me because that had been so lacking in my life and he was looking for the same in a very different manner.
It is possible to forgive someone, meaning understanding why they did something to you, without condoning their actions. Giving absolution does not have to mean giving permission to them to do it again or saying it was okay in the first place. It just means you are letting go (some would say, letting God) and moving on.
Yesterday I learned the docs have started talking to my ex about hospice options. He has and still is fighting a better fight than I think I could if I was in his shoes. Heck, I whine about typing one-handed with one wing clipped and held up in a sling.
If any of this makes sense to you or resonates with a situation you may have then I ask that you offer a little prayer or whatever your preferred method is for him as he continues his journey on this difficult path that we will all find ourselves on in some way, someday.
It's now 6:30 a.m. and time for more pain meds (yeah!), almost time for the Today Show and breakfast. I wish a good day to you all.
Namaste,
Kathe
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Things I Thought I Knew
This title was suggested by my 14 yr old grandson for the blog title. I thought psychicsensibilities was cuter but I'm beginning to think he was right so I'm titling this post for him. Thanks, Chandler.
People will surprise you. I should know that at my age and in my line of work. I guess the Universe thought I needed a reminder.
Sometimes the people that appear the hardest on the outside are just protecting a big, loving heart on the inside. And sometimes, unfortunately, they are really that hard - but not always. For now I'm focusing on the former. And sometimes the people that talk the big loving-the-world talk are doing that - just talking, and hiding a heart the size of a pea on the inside. No offense meant to peas.
Many, many thanks to all those who have called and sent emails, texts, and cards wishing me well, sending healing and offering help. Some of you have surpised me and some of you have humbled me, but all of you have made me realize how fortunate I am to know you.
Blessings to you all,
Kathe
People will surprise you. I should know that at my age and in my line of work. I guess the Universe thought I needed a reminder.
Sometimes the people that appear the hardest on the outside are just protecting a big, loving heart on the inside. And sometimes, unfortunately, they are really that hard - but not always. For now I'm focusing on the former. And sometimes the people that talk the big loving-the-world talk are doing that - just talking, and hiding a heart the size of a pea on the inside. No offense meant to peas.
Many, many thanks to all those who have called and sent emails, texts, and cards wishing me well, sending healing and offering help. Some of you have surpised me and some of you have humbled me, but all of you have made me realize how fortunate I am to know you.
Blessings to you all,
Kathe
Monday, April 19, 2010
April 19, 2010
GOOD NEWS!!!! The CT scan showed I probably don't need surgery! That means recovery should be shorter. A big,big,big,big thank you to everyone who sent prayers and healing thoughts and good energy and please keep 'em coming. It ain't over yet but there is light on the horizon.
So what's all this mean? I heard Oprah say once that God sends us what we need to heal and I believe that. That's why children of alcoholics either grow up and become one or marry one. Which, by the way, I did. As a child of highly functional alcoholics I married one, and then divorced him. My intention here is not to rank on him. He's currently battling lung, liver, and brain cancer with more courage and tenacity than I think I could muster and I pray for him everyday. If you feel moved to do that too please do so.
But being born into a family that neither planned, wanted, nor welcomed me I incurred some lifelong trust issues, to put it mildly. I have been fiercely independent most of my life mainly because the people I looked to for support or help in my early life quite simply let me down and said,"no" even if all I asked for was a hug. As I have gotten older the thing I fear most is having to ask for help (a request which has historically been denied) or needing support (which usually didn't come). So here I sit typing in my son and daughter-in-law's bed, waiting for them to come home and cook for me, depending on my daughter or daughter-in-law to wash my hair, do my laundry, put on my socks, etc., etc., etc., and needing my son to drive to my house 20 miles away to feed my animals once a day (like he doesn't have enough to do already with a big job and 2 kids).
So, yup, Spirit sends us what we need to heal. I hope maybe that insight helps you in some way in your life.
BTW - here's a correction from the last post. I have been told the dog does NOT lick her privates at 3:00 a.m. - she is licking her leg. OK. It still sounds like a cat yackin' up a furball.
A new insight - I really like drinking out of bendy straws. They're fun. :o)
So what's all this mean? I heard Oprah say once that God sends us what we need to heal and I believe that. That's why children of alcoholics either grow up and become one or marry one. Which, by the way, I did. As a child of highly functional alcoholics I married one, and then divorced him. My intention here is not to rank on him. He's currently battling lung, liver, and brain cancer with more courage and tenacity than I think I could muster and I pray for him everyday. If you feel moved to do that too please do so.
But being born into a family that neither planned, wanted, nor welcomed me I incurred some lifelong trust issues, to put it mildly. I have been fiercely independent most of my life mainly because the people I looked to for support or help in my early life quite simply let me down and said,"no" even if all I asked for was a hug. As I have gotten older the thing I fear most is having to ask for help (a request which has historically been denied) or needing support (which usually didn't come). So here I sit typing in my son and daughter-in-law's bed, waiting for them to come home and cook for me, depending on my daughter or daughter-in-law to wash my hair, do my laundry, put on my socks, etc., etc., etc., and needing my son to drive to my house 20 miles away to feed my animals once a day (like he doesn't have enough to do already with a big job and 2 kids).
So, yup, Spirit sends us what we need to heal. I hope maybe that insight helps you in some way in your life.
BTW - here's a correction from the last post. I have been told the dog does NOT lick her privates at 3:00 a.m. - she is licking her leg. OK. It still sounds like a cat yackin' up a furball.
A new insight - I really like drinking out of bendy straws. They're fun. :o)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
April 18, 2010
Greeting earthlings and non-earthlings!
Welcome to my virgin post! I am new to this medium so please bear with me as I learn my way.
First, the reason for my venturing into this realm which I have until now found to be curiously self-indulgent and, well, slightly socially disturbing. On April 10, 2010 I fell at home and broke my left shoulder. This is particularly bad luck (if you believe in luck) since I'm lefthanded. So I'm typing one-handed with my right hand. Not so bad so far, eh? Technically, I've broken my arm, the humerus bone, in 2 places at the shoulder. BTW the humerus bone doesn't have a sense of humor. It does have a pretty good sense of pain though. I am currently awaiting test results to see if there is additional injury which would require surgery.
After a few days of panic because I'm fiercely independent (usually) and self-pity (which just bummed everyone out, including me) I decided to explore how this experience could have been designed by Spirit to teach me something. So I decided to start practicing what I preach, or at least try to. And then I thought since so many people have started asking me over the last year "what my story is" maybe some of you would like to take this journey with me. Maybe, we'll see...
BTW - I promise not to bore you with banal details like when I brush my teeth (like who cares?? except maybe my dentist) or when I change my socks - which I can't do for myself right now anyway. The good news is in the last 2 days I have been able to change my own underwear which is an improvement and makes everyone happy!
So here's what I've learned so far. My daughter-in-law is a very good cook. I like to read before bed and I read everything from Quantum Physics as it pertains to psychic ability to the Twilight saga - blame my daughter-in-law for that and Go Team Edward! But none of it beats having my 6 year old granddaughter read anything to me. And the sound of the family dog licking her private parts at 3:00 a.m. is the same sound as a cat hacking up a furball. Maybe the spiritual insights will come later. I hope you stay tuned ...
Welcome to my virgin post! I am new to this medium so please bear with me as I learn my way.
First, the reason for my venturing into this realm which I have until now found to be curiously self-indulgent and, well, slightly socially disturbing. On April 10, 2010 I fell at home and broke my left shoulder. This is particularly bad luck (if you believe in luck) since I'm lefthanded. So I'm typing one-handed with my right hand. Not so bad so far, eh? Technically, I've broken my arm, the humerus bone, in 2 places at the shoulder. BTW the humerus bone doesn't have a sense of humor. It does have a pretty good sense of pain though. I am currently awaiting test results to see if there is additional injury which would require surgery.
After a few days of panic because I'm fiercely independent (usually) and self-pity (which just bummed everyone out, including me) I decided to explore how this experience could have been designed by Spirit to teach me something. So I decided to start practicing what I preach, or at least try to. And then I thought since so many people have started asking me over the last year "what my story is" maybe some of you would like to take this journey with me. Maybe, we'll see...
BTW - I promise not to bore you with banal details like when I brush my teeth (like who cares?? except maybe my dentist) or when I change my socks - which I can't do for myself right now anyway. The good news is in the last 2 days I have been able to change my own underwear which is an improvement and makes everyone happy!
So here's what I've learned so far. My daughter-in-law is a very good cook. I like to read before bed and I read everything from Quantum Physics as it pertains to psychic ability to the Twilight saga - blame my daughter-in-law for that and Go Team Edward! But none of it beats having my 6 year old granddaughter read anything to me. And the sound of the family dog licking her private parts at 3:00 a.m. is the same sound as a cat hacking up a furball. Maybe the spiritual insights will come later. I hope you stay tuned ...
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